4/8/07
Red Sox 3, Rangers 2

There are some sick bastards out there. 

I mean, what kind of people would kidnap two popular baseball players, hog-tie them and lock them in a basement, and replace them with look-alike imposters? 

From what I hear, Fort Myers police are still searching for the bandits who locked up Curt Schilling and David Ortiz during the last week of spring training, and replaced them with Yaphet Koto and “The Hemi Guy” from the Dodge commercials.  
  

In Big Papi’s absence, Yaphet Koto hit .158 with a .263 slugging percentage (what do you expect? he’s an actor, not a slugger).  The Hemi Guy also had a tough time performing in Curt Schilling’s shoes, getting smacked for a 11.25 ERA versus Kansas City.

Luckily, the real Schilling and Ortiz escaped from their captors, and joined the team in Texas in time for the Easter Sunday game against the Rangers.  David Ortiz did not seem to be rusty at all, providing 100% of the team’s offense with two towering home runs.  Curt Schilling was also his old self, tossing 7 innings and only giving up 4 hits. 

The only run off of Schilling was a Frank Catalanotto HR on a meaty changeup.  Curt, however, seemed to have his command back, consistently painting the outside corner of the strike zone with a fastball in the low-90’s, and mixing in his splitter and curveball very effectively.  The Texas hitters were more off-balance than Derek Lowe at 2:30 AM.   

In addition to the triumphant return of Schilling and Ortiz, closer Jonothan Papelbon got a chance to display his titanium balls.  Papelbon was thrown to the wolves in the 8th inning, and struck out one of the game’s best contact hitters (Michael Young) in a 1st and 3rd situation with 1 out.  Papelbon went on to retire the next 4 hitters to end the game, a high caliber of gutsy relief pitching rarely seen since the tumultuous days of Goose Gossage. 

Papelbon’s electric performance has me completely pumped and wired, and I will not be able to sleep tonight.  Monday morning at work will be miserable. 

Thanks a lot, kid.

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