The most intriguing match-up of the young season didn’t disappoint. Unfortunately, the result did. When I signed up for this gig I knew I’d have to spout off after losses, I was just hoping there’d be more wins. With Wednesday’s game, the Sox fell to even on the season, tied with the Yankees and a game behind the Blue Jays in the East.

Jose Guillen is officially uninvited to my roller skating birthday party. He and a number of other Mariners proved to be whiny bitches again on Wednesday. When he wasn’t wetting the pants of Red Sox hitters, Felix was was huffing and puffing on the mound and pouting like a schoolboy. Johjima’s animated emotions will come back to bite him, umpires remember that stuff, especially from catchers. There would have been another incident were it not for Felix’s gem. A wag of the finger goes to Mike Hargrove for assembling a varsity squad with a J.V. attitude.

I was avoiding mentioning the ESPN commentators because I know how annoying it can be to relive a poor broadcast squad, but Hershiser’s Pedroia-Eckstein comparison was a low blow. Much like an botched relay, I find Eckstein and his schtick nauseating. It was as close as a slam dunk gets for the ESPN crew, both are far from Goliath, but David’s spastic style and Little-League-arm-strength aren’t what I’m looking for on my Red Sox.

Steve Phillips did his best. He tried numerous times to jinx ‘Lix with off the cuff comments regarding his remarkable no-hit effort. In the seventh every other word was about the Sox donut in the hit column.  He was about to start yelling “Noo-nan! NOOOO-nan!”
With every batted ball it seemed like it our boys were going to break through, but Jose Lopez turned into a wiz around second base. Raul Ibanez did his best to botch Youkilis’ liner in the seventh, to no avail. I’m really reaching here, the offensive highlights were few and far between. By the eighth I was only half-heartedly rooting for the Sox to break it up.

The Ortiz GIDP in the fourth was spirit-crushing, that inning turned out to be the only legitimate chance the Red Sox had to get into the game. While their lone hit came in the eighth, the bottom of the Sox order had as much chance against Felix as I do besting Tiger Woods in a long-drive competition. There was little doubt J.D. would be stranded.

Manny’s attempt at Guillen on the sacrifice fly was noble; the throw was off line and that could have really swung the momentum back, but don’t blame Manuel, I think he was out if Varitek held on to the ball. Twinkle Toes looked like a ballerina out there with his footwork, and as usual he got rid of the ball in a hurry. He doesn’t rush, but his positioning is sufficiently efficient. I’ve been looking for an excuse to use that phrase for the last two months. Thanks.

We learned that Matsuzaka can give his team a chance to win without his best stuff, but won’t consistently overpower for nine innings. Batters will get lucky and string together a few hits from time to time. The newer, more aerodynamic Felix Hernandez had the Red Sox in the palm of his hand and let go only for a split second. Until next time, we bow to you, King Felix the First.

Tonight: Wakefield vs. Washburn, Mike Maroth (DET) vs. Tomo Ohka (TOR), Yankees off.