I thought Canada was a friendly place, what’s with the “Boston Sucks” chants, ya hosers? I’m completely indifferent to you and your high taxes.

While the next two weekends promise a healthy dose of frigid drama in the Fens and the boogey-down Bronx, the Red Sox opened a three game set against the Blue Jays last night in the warmth of the Rogers Centre Center (21st Century Spelling is Chapter 5 of the Dewey’s House style guide). This was our first real look at Dice under warm weather conditions, with some moderate wind provided by ten Toronto whiffs. The next few weeks are critical, gaining ground on the Yankees and keeping the Jays in sight is step one. Last night, weak hitting and a walk set the Sox back a game.

With lefty Gustavo “Bulldog” Chacin on the hill, JD Drew got the night off and was replaced by Wily Mo Pena. A new suit courtesy of Mr. Francona should be en route to Mr. Pena after launching a monster home run in the third. He also played his usual brand of heart-attack-inducing defense, albeit mistake free tonight. Wily gets to two strikes quicker than anybody, but Chacin helped him out in the third with two in the dirt. There were few moments of poor execution by the Bulldog, but Wily’s at bat was the phoenix of faulty gameplans. “Wily see fastball, Wily hit fastball.” When he knew what was coming, he didn’t think twice about dunking it into someone’s Molson Export. The reaction from Vernon Wells in center was awful, as in full of awe. I don’t care about Wily Mo’s defense (or Ortiz’s at first), this kid and his prodigious power need to play. The flashback to Manny’s 2001 bomb into the 500 level in Toronto was evidence of how this franchise has improved in the last five years. Then, the section was closed, today, it’s nearly full.

I’ve been lucky enough to land on a few Matsuzaka (or Matsuzaker if you’re Jerry Remy) starts during my work here at da House, none of which have disappointed in terms of story lines. Last time there was some kid named Felix, and tonight Daisuke looked a little human. After losing his ability to locate his fastball, slider, changeup, curveball, shuuto, Dragon Ball, and Vornado in the fourth, Matsuzaka had a mini-implosion. Damage was slight thanks to a pathetic Royce Clayton bases loaded at-bat (Ricciardi detractors, point taken) and a warning track blast by Jason Smith. Orsillo said “rattled” or “shaken up” approximately 235 times in half an inning, but considering how Matsuzaker came out for the fifth - he struck out the side - Don was the only one truly concerned. Nothing but a blip on the ERA-dar.

Screw Ichiro and Matsui, the matchup I’ve been looking forward to most is Matsuzaka-Frank Thomas. Well, maybe not. Last night, Daisuke brought the pain to the Big Hurt, six pitches, two strike outs.

As it turns out I wasn’t the only drunk guy watching this game. Ed Montague must have spent a little time in a local watering hole before strapping on the chest protector yesterday. He was the pinnacle of inconsistency, moving the strike zone up and down, left and right all night. I agreed with him on the call that started the avalanche during the 4th inning Wells at bat, but in the fifth he was giving both corners with renewed generosity. He does, however, get style points for his third strike call against Overbay, it was of the “I’m grabbing you by the neck of the jersey and throwing you back to the dugout” variety. Next I thought he was going to challenge Tim Duncan to a fight.

I think its time, boys. I know you’re attached to him, but he’s old and he can hardly run. He used to be so good at scooping up those grounders and making that throw across the diamond, but if he can’t do that anymore do you think he wants to stick around? Five years ago he would have knocked Aaron Hill into left field on the broken bat double play in the second, but he was worried about his artificial hip. It’s time for Old Man Lowell to move on to greener pastures in Colorado, Milwaukee, or even Seattle. Theo, get Bill Bavasi drunk and trade that old dog and his sub-.300 OBP for Richie Sexson, straight up.

In their zeal to capture another pizza-throwing incident (or get their names on PTI), the broadcast truck managed to beam a few of the ole one-finger-salutes into my living room. Is this the seventh inning, or seventh grade? I hope we can officially close the book on this charade.

The offense was percolating in the eighth, but all was for naught. A Drew lead off walk was erased on a screaming liner to third during a full-count attempted steal, followed by a Covelli single. Gibbons had lefty Scott Downs and interim closer Jason Frasor warm with Ortiz in the on-deck circle, but elected to go with Frasor. If you were going to go with the righty, why was Downs up at all? Of course, Gibbons looks smart until Downs gets worn out in August.

Once again, the Red Sox offense makes a mediocre lefty look dominant and drop to second place. Matsuzaka gets a tough loss; the bats were to blame last night.
Tonight: Wakefield at Ohka, Sowers at Igawa.