According to  multiple sources, the sweep aspirations of the Boston Red Sox died in Washington D.C. at approximately 9:41 PM last night.  Paramedics arrived on the scene and determined that Boston’s bats had no pulse.  They attempted to revive Boston’s bats, but after a brief burst of futility in the form of a Rocco Baldelli 2-run HR, the offense remained lifeless.

Authorities are awaiting autopsy results before officially announcing the cause of death, but initial reports indicate that Boston’s sweep hopes died of old age…John Smoltz’s old age, that is.  Smoltz began to display symptoms in the first inning, after giving up 4 runs to the worst team in baseball.  Boston’s sweep chances were given last rights in the third inning, after the Nationals increased their lead to 5-0 and it was apparent that the Red Sox offense was in a vegetative state.

Boston’s sweep aspirations were two days old at the time of death.  They leave behind 90 unplayed regular season baseball games.

A candlelight vigil will be held at Turner Field in Atlanta, GA at 7:30 PM tonight.

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