It was a tale of two Verlanders.  The first inning Justin was hitting the corners with his fastball and cutting up Red Sox hitters.  From the second on, he regained his control for brief instances, otherwise the patient Red Sox stalked the troubled ace and pounced when he was most vulnerable.

With a three run lead and Josh Beckett mowing down hapless Tigers, confidence was running high early.  During a day off for Manny, Kevin Youkilis filled in admirably.  He launched his fourth homer of the series, fifth in five games, to seal the deal.  In the words of the immortal genius, king of kings, Hawk Harrelson: “You can put it in the board! YYYouk!”  A less likely hero, the Captain had a solid night, 1-2 with a pair of RBIs and walks.  That’s all we ask of you, Sir Varitek.  Just don’t be a giant gaping hole where runs go to die.  Deal? Thanks.

The Largest Bullpen in Baseball did a fine job.  Mr. Electric showed his typical nasty slider and poor control.  Fortunately, the Tigers were anxious, going down in order on a dozen pitches.  In a “get your confidence up” appearance, Manny Delcarmen didn’t ruin the hard work of his teammates.  His next appearance should be of similar low leverage, and if he’s successful, its time to work him back into a meaningful role.  His return to form will allow some of the dead weight to be cut.  Always a bullpen psychologist, Francona picked a fine spot to use two kids who need some good innings under their belt.

8PM, Lester at Bonser

The Red Sox look to continue their tear through the Central, next victim: Minnesota.  The first place Twins have been a surprise, but their 17-16 record would only be good for third in any other division.  Its less a case of the Twinkies dominating than their divisional foes wetting the bed.  Pythagorus, via Bill James, says they should be 16-17, and I tend to agree.  Bonser (2-4, 4.29, 1.24) gave up six runs in the first inning of his last start May 4, but gutted out six innings and the Twins came back to take it, 7-6.  He’s shown remarkable control, 9 walks in 42 innings, but struck out only 27.  If he maintains his low ground ball rate, 39%, and doesn’t start striking guys out, the luck will run dry and those fly balls will start finding the seats.

It’s a dreary Friday in New York, I hope your weekend weather is better.  Is spring time, isn’t it?  Scientific community, where’s my weather machine?  You’ve really dropped the ball here.

Red Sox management continued its obsessive protection of Josh Beckett on Tuesday, scratching him twice with different minor ailments.  First, it looked like he might not go because of the flu.  Ultimately, a stiff neck was to blame.  The paranoia may be unfounded, but it can’t be faulted.  The worst case scenario is a few of Beckett’s innings are replaced by someone less able.  On Tuesday, that was David Pauley.

In the first two frames, Pauley recorded four weak ground outs, a lazy fly to center and a strikeout.  Things went downhill from there.  The bottom of the Angels lineup began its dominance in the third with a string of walks and hits led by Jeff Mathis.  The battle for playing time behind the plate in Anaheim has reached a tipping point.  Mathis continued to strengthen his case to split time with Mike Napoli with his two hit, two run, three RBI night.   Mathis is hitting .379/.387/.759, compared to Napoli’s .227/.292/.523.  Mike Scioscia may often be guilty of over-managing, but his catching platoon appears to be working beautifully.

A pair of homers and a timely drag bunt single from Jacoby Ellbury were the key to the Red Sox victory.  The kid has made his case, he needs to be in the lineup daily.  It was another step in the right direction by Julio Lugo, who is apparently feeling the hot breath of Jed Lowrie on his neck.  He’s up to .324 on the season.  Julian Tavarez’s 1.2 scoreless innings to bridge the gap to Okajima can’t be overstated.  Love him or hate him, Tavarez steps up in unlikely scenarios.

Tonight, Daisuke Matsuzaka faces Jon Garland.  Manny may get to 500 dingers in a hurry, because he’s got three in only twenty-one at-bats versus Garland.  In all, he’s sporting a mere 1.738 OPS against the veteran righty.  Combined with the way Manny is swinging the bat, I hope Garland’s got his neck stretched out.

Boston 9
New York 15

This game had the makings of an interesting pitching duel between two of the league’s exciting young stars.  Instead, it turned into a competitive “Who Can Suck More” contest between Clay Buchholz and Chien-Ming Wang, a duel which probably should be called a draw.

The bullpen in a different story, as the Yankees’ LaTroy Hawkins, Billy Traber (remember him?), and Brian Bruney managed to slam the door on Boston, while Julian Tavarez and Mike Timlin essentially offered valet service to the New York offense as they cruised around the bases repeatedly.

It would be nice if these two teams could play a game that doesn’t last 4 hours.  Tonight, the Red Sox are facing Mike Mussina (a guy who is probably in the Mike Timlin category of pitchers who no longer “have it”), so anything is possible.

Detroit 7
Boston 2

You knew the Tigers wouldn’t lose every game. Wednesday night their offense woke up with a little help from Jon Lester and the Red Sox bullpen. Lester was somewhere between mediocre and awful, with the usual problem: fastball command. None of his 2008 starts have been particularly encouraging, but last night’s 4 BB, 0 K performance was his worst yet. He was lucky in the early innings, the Tigers swung at bad pitches and made bad contact. That could have been a three inning, seven run night pretty easily, then we’d all be poopin’ our pants. To date he’s walked ten in sixteen innings while striking out seven. Color me extremely worried.

Bonderman wasn’t his best, but was unlucky to give up the runs he did in the second. The suddenly error prone Placido Polanco’s botched double play ball should have had him out of the inning before the bases loaded walk to Ellsbury. The four double plays hit into by the Red Sox quickly erased all threats. The maligned Tigers’ pen bested the vaunted Red Sox for the final four innings.

I never thought I’d be so happy to see Mike Timlin return from the disabled list. His extended spring training has allowed the Sox to sort out the mess that is their middle relief, and the answer is: it’s bad. The three candidates to get booted out of town Friday pitched last night in a do-or-die bullpen battle royale, and the loser was Bryan Corey. He gave up two runs on two hits and a walk, and recorded one out. That decision looks pretty cut-and-dry. It sucks that one night should have such a huge impact on his career, but that’s the unfortunate truth. Aardsma will stick. The Bryan Corey Era is over. Hopefully Timlin can rescue a unit that has been utterly craptastic so far.

Game 10 Notes

• There’s one thing I’d like to see from the Red Sox on Thursday, and that’s a 2-4 night from David Ortiz. Even if they lose, getting Ortiz going is vital. If it was anyone else, I’d write it off as a bad stretch, but we haven’t seen a slump like this from Ortiz since August of 2004. He’ll face Nate Robertson, whom he is 3-19 against.
• Coco Crisp will likely get a start, as he’s faced Robertson 38 times with reasonable success (.853 OPS).
• Tim Wakefield will go for the Sox. Watch out for Magglio, who is 15-33 with a 1.288 OPS against the knuckler.
• Mike Lowell is day-to-day, expect to see Casey at first for Thursday and possibly the weekend.

Red Sox 2
Oakland 1

As millions cursed the left coast for its stubborn insistence to be “different,” Daisuke Matsuzaka played Dr. Jekyll while Mr. Hyde reared his ugly head for only a few moments. Bad Daisuke popped up at every pitch, threatening to take over and start sailing fastballs to the backstop, but he held his doppleganger in check. After surrendering a home run to Jack Cust he went to a 3-0 count on Emil Brown with fastballs in the dirt, but Brown rolled the 3-1 over to short as a collective sigh of relief washed over the eastern seaboard. The pitch to Cust was a belt high fastball on the outside corner: good hitting by The Legend. The biggest thing to take away from this game is Daisuke’s ability to adapt to his stuff. He had the fastball command, so he went to it often.

There was a major difference in his delivery that merits some continued attention. On fastballs, he followed with his right leg high and his balance shifted to the left. In fact, his balance was inconsistent the entire game. On certain off-speed stuff he was hopping after his leg came through, on others he had his normal finish on the right. Presently this won’t tip his off-speed stuff because it happens after the ball crosses the plate. With repitition, batters may notice a slight change in his balance during the delivery. The first shot below is from a strikeout of Travis Buck in Japan last week, the second last night. Look at the right leg and angle of his torso.

Maybe its nothing, but an adjustment like that after one start is telling. If it’s a conscious change his performance in Japan was worse than we thought, or last night’s not as good. Nine punch-outs and a lead to the bullpen are tough to second guess, but that’s what we do.

All Francona needs to keep this team afloat is 7+ innings from a starter. Last night, he managed to not mess up the pen usage with Okajima and Papelbon for 1+ IP. If Kyle Snyder had been anywhere near that bullpen mound it would have been cause for immediate tar and feathering. A pinch runner for Varitek on second in the top of the ninth would have been ideal, but was ultimately not a factor.

Bullpen thoughts:

• One can’t argue with Papelbon’s performance, but again he left too many fastballs up and in the middle of the plate. The country hardball routine may work against the Athletics, but it won’t fly against the Indians and Yankees.
• If anyone is upset to see Keith Foulke succeeding in another uni, please refer to his fastball, currently is sitting at a robust 82mph. The end is nigh for this charade.
• Timlin is tentatively scheduled to appear in Pawtucket April 7th and 9th, then join the team for the Yankees series beginning the 11th. He is recovering from a laceration on his finger.

Game 4: Wednesday at 3:35pm ET
Jon Lester at Rich Harden

One porcelain princess went down yesterday, can the Red Sox make it two?

In his triumphant return to Tokyo Dome, Daisuke Matsuzaka continued where he left the 2007 season. We had great visions of an trend-setting performance, spurred by the emotion of the return. We saw not the dominant, overpowering starter in his former Far East glory, but the same old inconsistency. The Oakland lineup exploited his control issues, but couldn’t land the knockout blow - stranding six in the first three frames. Despite the early difficulties, Matsuzaka threw at least four excellent change ups to Jack Cust and stranded the last seven he faced. It was a start that looks better on paper than it did live: 5 IP, 2 H, 6 K, 2 ER.

Joe Blanton pounded the strike zone until tiring after 90 pitches in the sixth. Ramirez roped a two run double down the left field line and Brandon Moss, filling in for J.D. Drew’s latest excuse, added the go-ahead run. The top of the lineup did its job all morning, and at least in the sixth, the middle obliged.

Taking a one run lead to the bottom of the seventh, Terry Francona lobbed a beach ball to Bob Geren via Kyle Snyder. The obsession with inning slots for relievers is the last hurdle a forward-thinking ballclub faces. We’ve successfully moved away from “small-ball” misconceptions, but relievers are still used prehistorically. Everyone was available, and the fifth option on the depth chart was selected. Genius. The “saving XYZ for tomorrow” argument holds no weight: there may be no need for an elite reliever tomorrow, then there are four meaningless days.  Snyder surrendered two runs in the blink of an eye, and it was bleak until the ninth inning Moss heroics.

Game Two: Lester - Harden

Rich Harden still has a chance to be awesome. He’s 26 and perpetually fragile, but when healthy he’s among the best in baseball. Of course, he has had exactly one healthy season: four years ago.

He insists he’s full strength, but that’s no different than three of the previous four springs. He’s thrown 17 innings this March and given up 9 ER on 20 hits and 7 walks while striking out 13. Those results are poor by any standards. The A’s are hoping he comes out blazing to pump up his trade value. There’s no reason to hold on to him and wait for an injury.

Ostensibly he can be had, but dealing with Billy Beane is dangerous by nature. Add the health risks of Harden and I’d rather dance on needles outside a methadone clinic. Hank, you can have him.

RED SOX TO REPRESENT AMERICAN LEAGUE IN WORLD SERIES AFTER DEFEATING THE CLEVELAND INDIANS

The Sox cap off their comeback by winning a very tense Game 7, a game I found very painful to watch until the eighth inning offensive explosion.  Throughout the first 6 innings, I had a terrible feeling about this game given the squanders in the first few innings.  The Indians proved to be insanely tough adversaries, and this entire series was extremely well-fought.

Daisuke Matsuzaka came up huge in the poise department, having zero walks and coming through in the rough situations that he had been struggling in prior to last night.  And of course, Dustin Pedroia really should be benched in favor of Alex Cora immediately.

Kudos to Red Sox fans for not rioting last night. (Or, at least I don’t think you rioted; I haven’t had a chance to check CNN.com yet).

Wednesday night: World Series Game 1.  ALCS MVP Josh Beckett vs Jeff Francis. 

When Jake Westbrook blew Dustin Pedroia away on 3 pitches to start the game, I was afraid it was afraid it bad sign.

When he loaded the bases in the second inning and managed to escape with no runs allowed, I started to become a little suspicious.

When he managed to get Manny Ramirez to hit David Ortiz with a hard ground ball on the base-paths, I was certain he had done it: Jake Westbrook has sold his soul to the devil.

In all seriousness, he did pitch quite well, but baseball is a funny game, is it not? This Boston lineup scores a combined 12 runs against C.C. Sabathia and Fausto Carmona, 2 legitimate AL Cy Young candidates, and is completely baffled by the likes of Jake Westbrook while only striking out twice. This is a guy who gave up 10 hits in 6 innings in his only regular season game against Boston. I guess a tip of the cap goes to a veteran pitcher who probably had the game of his career last night.

Daisuke Matsuzaka came up short once again. Aside from giving up a 2-run HR to Kenny Lofton (who had one of the more animated HR trots I’ve seen, especially from a 50-year-old man), he was fine up until the 5th inning, when the wheels started to come off the wagon train. However, on a night where the offense is completely flummoxed by a pitcher who is the definition of “league average”, he only gets a meager fraction of the blame pie.

Hats off to the bullpen, who pitched as well as they could have (3 hitless innings).

With the recently injured Tim Wakefield listed as the Game 4 starter (8.76 ERA in his last 5 starts), there appears to be a cluster of dark clouds forming over Lake Erie.

Boston 9
Anaheim 1

In a quick and painless series where Boston never really lost momentum, the Red Sox swept the Angels with strong performances by their superstars: David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Josh Beckett, and Curt Schilling. Ramirez, in particular, appears to be in prime mashing mode, as he hit 900 feet of home runs in 2 days, harkening back to the days where he was considered the most feared hitter in baseball.

The Angels fans apparently outgrew the gimmicky “Thundersticks” from 2002; this year they decided to break out the more refined and sophisticated “Rally Paddles“.

The most satisfying part of the series was watching Jered Weaver give up gargantuan home runs to both Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, and being forced to watch the two sluggers stop and admire their blasts days after the long-haired hurler complained about that very thing. Weaver is quickly becoming my least favorite non-Yankee player.

It was a raucous celebration scene in the clubhouse. Manny Ramirez was playing the role of “champagne hitman” amidst nervous suit-wearing media members and booze-drenched players. They’ll have a few days to recover, and should be well rested when they play their opponent in the ALCS.

Game 1: Josh Beckett vs. ?????????

Anaheim 3
Boston 6

In this case, the picture says it all.

Manny Ramirez, addressing the crowd like Cyrus addressing the council of gangs in The Warriors.

Can you dig it?

Minnesota 5
Boston 4

Red Sox ace Josh Beckett threw some light BP in an exhibition game against the Twins on Thursday. It was a continuation of “The Mayor’s Cup” held every spring between the two Fort Myers rivals. With the playoffs looming a week away, Josh threw a very relaxed session, letting the Twins’ hitters get some good wood on the ball, and thus giving his fielders some practice.

The Sox offense also held a clinic on “How Not To Score Runs With One Out” in the 9th inning. All in all, it was an all-encompassing practice session which no doubt will prepare the team for their 1st round matchup against Cleveland or Anaheim.

Tonight, the Sox play a real game against Minnesota. A game for which they will be prepared, thanks to last night’s exhibition.

Oakland 6
Boston 11

The Red Sox sweep an emaciated Oakland team in our favorite recent MLB scheduling phenomenon: the 2-game series.

It’s difficult to pick one guy who gets the “game ball” here, as there were several hitters who came up huge. Mike Lowell, as he has been so many times this year, was a monster at the plate. The 21st Century Gray Eagle had 3 hits and 5 RBI, and is now hitting a gaudy .326 on the season, including a 1.006 OPS at Fenway Park this year. (Zach, have you come around on this guy yet?)

A noticably-battered Big Papi also had a big game, as DH David Ortiz pounded three hits, two of which were doubles. Now, much has been said about the alleged “lack of power” Ortiz is experiencing this year…but does said power outage even exist? Let’s compare his Extra Base Hits from 2006 (his career high in SLG% and team record-setting HR year) and 2007.

• Ortiz XBH, 2006: 85 (29 doubles, 2 triples, 55 homers)
• Ortiz XBH, 2007: 84 (50 doubles, 1 triple, 33 homers)

Now, consider the fact that power numbers across the league are down this year, and David’s power outage is looking like more of a myth than a reality.

Manny Ramirez is starting to give me a warm feeling. In my pants. You see, when Manny Ramirez is hitting like Manny Ramirez, the Red Sox are probably the best team in baseball. Manny had 3 hits last night, all singles, but solid hits nonetheless. His timing has been accurate, and he’s been going to the opposite field. Manny is somewhat healthy and hitting somewhat well, and this is terrific news.

The last guy I’ll make note of is Dustin Pedroia, who had 8 total bases and scored 4 runs last night. You can close the ballots and get the camera on Tim Russert for the announcement. The “exit polls” have Dustin Pedroia winning the AL ROY in a landslide.

2

Oakland 3
Boston 7

‘Twas an eventful night. The most notable story from the game was the return of both Manny Ramirez and Kevin Youkilis. Both of these key players on the field was a welcome sight for weary Red Sox fans, as many have been questioning whether or not both players would be ready for the playoffs.

Curt Schilling had yet another good outing, tossing only 86 pitches for his 9th win of the season before calling it an early night. The large opinionated Republican pitcher has been notably more effective in these final stages of the season than he was before his DL break, and appears primed for the Division Series.

• Curt in 2006: 8.07 K/9, 3.97 ERA
• Curt in 2007: 6.02 K/9, 3.87 ERA

Curt appears to be making the transition to finesse pitcher very comfortably (along with being aided by a little bit of BABIP-flavored luck).

It’s time to talk about J.D. Drew again. “The One Who Doesn’t Have Temper Tantrums” is officially on fire, with a 1.008 OPS in the month of September after his three hit performance yesterday. Since the All-Star break, J.D. has had his ups and downs, but overall, his numbers are .276/.370/.434, a respectable .804 OPS. This, factored in with his impressive defensive range and the rough year Trot Nixon is having in Cleveland, leads me to believe that J.D. might be more important to the 2007 Red Sox than some may think.

Oh…and thanks, Dioner.

3

Red Sox 1
Blue Jays 6

From the Department of Irrational Optimism: at least there’s time to turn it around.

Red Sox 3
Blue Jays 4

I’ve officially had it with:

• Eric Gagne’s Keith Foulke Impression
• Terry Francona’s blind faith in veterans
• Eric Hinske.
• Red Sox Nation Elections
• Manny’s injury

We can call last night’s edition of the Gagne experiment a huge, steaming pile of failure without a long discourse.  Beyond that, why wasn’t anyone else ready to go?  It was obvious Gagne wasn’t going to get that third out of the inning.  He got two quick ones on Reed Johnson and Alex Rios, two tough hitters, but completely lost control of every pitch after that, missing by four feet at times.  After walking in a run, he barked at Ed Rapuano like a pissy high-school kid.  Dude, its not the Ump’s fault you suck.  It could have been even uglier, the last out came at home plate on a bases loaded double just over J.D. Drew’s glove in right.

This was an important game for the division, but don’t lose sight of what really matters.  I don’t care if this team squeaks in as the wild card or blows everyone out of the water, its all the same come October.  A division win would go a long way to healing the wounded psyche, but I’ll get over it in about 15 seconds if the Red Sox beat the Yankees in the ALCS.  Jon Lester settled down and pitched well after struggling in the first with his control; that’s all I care about right now.  With the rotation struggling, he could be a bigger part of this team in the playoffs than we all realize.

Tonight, Clay Buchholz faces Jesse Litsch (5-9, 4.37, 1.47).  The Sox roster has only faced Litsch 41 times, but is hitting .390/.400/.561.  His last start against the Sox was a short one, 3.1 IP, 7 ER on September 3, but he spread nine hits over 6.2 for 1 ER in July.  Temper your expectations for Clay, if he gives us 6 IP and 3 ER I’ll be happy.  Francona has been quiet regarding how long they’ll leave him out there, citing the usual “A lot depends on how he’s throwing, the score of the game,” but I can’t see him topping 100 pitches under any circumstance.

Red Sox 1
Blue Jays 6

When the lineup card flashed onto my screen, I had a feeling it might be “one of those nights”.

As bad as Varitek has been at the plate, he dwarfs Kevin Cash, who very well might be the worst MLB hitter in my lifetime.  The same can be said for the downgrade of Julio Lugo to Alex Cora.  Lugo has had a decent 2nd half, while Cora’s stock has plummeted.  And then you have Manny Ramirez and Kevin Youkilis out of the lineup.

This, in tandem with an unhealthy Wakefield (back), is a sure-fire recipe for a loss.

The lead in the AL East is down to 3.5 games, and things are getting interesting.  All we can do is hope that Ramirez and Youkilis are set to return soon.  The latest news on Manny, from tonight’s broadcast, is that he might miss another week.

Not good.

New York 4
Boston 3

Last night’s Power Rankings remain unchanged.

The Red Sox lose 2 out of 3 to New York in a series where they outscored the Bombers 20-14, and 18-4 in all innings except the 8th.  In last night’s frustrating finale, the offense was apparently walrus fishing, because they let Roger Clemens and Joba Chamberlain off the hook in numerous big spots.

Clemens did pitch an excellent game, and was aided by some screaming line drives hit directly at fielders and some warning track flies that just didn’t have enough.  The story was similar for Curt Schilling, who threw an excellent game before custom-fitting an 8th-inning gopher ball for Gold Glover Derek Jeter.

The most important news from last night?  Per Manager Terry Francona, we can realistically expect Manny Ramirez back in the lineup on Wednesday.  Switching Ramirez with Eric Hinske gives the offense a slightly different look.

Tonight, it’s Wakefield (16-10, 4.68) against Toronto’s Dustin McGowan (10-9, 4.01), as the Sox travel back to the Toronto Skydome (a park which set a record for going from state-of-the-art to obsolete in a span of about 3 years).

Devil Rays 4
David Ortiz 5

I listened to those who dismissed clutch hitting ability over the last few years.  I even believed it myself.  After David Ortiz put on a show against Fausto Carmona in July 2006, most of us succumbed to the mountain of evidence.  We haven’t heard much in the clutch department from Mr. Ortiz recently and there were whispers of the old “wisdom,” but, like our new BFF J.D. Drew, he’s simply been waiting to strike.

Down 4-3 for most of the game, the offense had numerous opportunities to scratch that tying run across, but rally killer Varitek has been doing his best Kevin Millar impression over the last three weeks. Since August 21 (22 games), El Capitan is hitting .206 with 26 Ks, 3 XHB and 13 BB.  Three true outcomes is cool, if one of those is over the fence.

The American League offers a new wrinkle to the playoff system this year.  The team with the best record is granted home field advantage and the opportunity to choose a first round schedule of seven or eight days.  Ostensibly, a minor change, but the numerous scenarios complicate things.  The longer schedule gives each team in that series the ability to use their top two starters on regular rest, while the seven game series would require the top guys to go on three days.  It seems like an obvious choice, but there are a variety of factors to consider.  How do your top starters compare to your opponent’s?  Who is better on short rest?  Do you have an advantage at third and fourth starter?  Does your opponent have a history of throwing guys on short rest, which would negate the advantage at the end of the rotation?  Its a tough call, and useless to debate until the Sox know who they are playing.   If this new rule offered the choice of opponent, it would be very interesting.

The Red Sox are off today.  I’ll be watching Ian Kennedy take on A.J. Burnett in Toronto.  Kennedy has a nasty 92mph fastball that runs in on righties, but, big surprise, he struggles with his command.

Devil Rays 10
Red Sox 16

J.D. Drew has us right where he wants us. He’s been coasting since May, hopped up (or down) on opiates to achieve that sought after “Where am I?” persona he exudes with such…lifelessness. Maybe it took a speedy young call up bent on stealing his postseason starts, but a few more 3-4 games and long homers in October will buy him a get out of the doghouse card for seasons past. Turns out, he was biding his time, waiting to snap and explode for 12 straight homers. You heard it here first. That sly dog had us all fooled.

Another shout out goes to Kevin Cash, who contributed the most unlikely of hits last night. No small feat, considering JD had three. If this is all K-Money does for the rest of the season, we can’t be too unhappy. Doug Mirabelli’s remarkable fragility for his limited action doesn’t sting so much any more. Wait, did it ever sting?

And finally, we owe you a big one, Joe Maddon and Andrew Friedman, for utilizing and assembling the least effective group of relievers I’ve seen since John Wasdin was in town. Oh, and you ran through six pitchers last night en route to a crushing defeat. Thanks for the alley-oop.

Tampa Bay 1
Red Sox 0

Please go.

I’m sick of it, just fed up.

Please leave.I don’t want to see the Red Sox face you ever again.

Change leagues. Go to manager Joe Maddon and demand a trade to San Diego. Make sure it’s San Diego, I want you as geographically far away from Fenway Park as possible. Just go.

Leave. Switch positions. Pull a Rick Ankiel. Switch sports. Take up cricket. Here’s an idea: retire! You know what they say: “25 is the new 65″! You must have some dough stashed away. I hear Florida…er…I hear Arizona is beautiful this time of year. Spend time with your family. Just get the hell out of the A.L. East.

Are you hearing me, Scott? I would rather pour liquid nitrogen on my genitals and have Gallagher smash them into pieces with his hammer than watch you face my team for 1 more inning. I would rather have Muhammed Ali and Michael J. Fox perform a dual colonoscopy on me with drumsticks coated in rubbing alcohol.

I just can’t take the feeling of futility. Not only are you left-handed (Kryptonite) but you also have good “stuff”, which makes you all-but-impossible for the Red Sox to beat. Curt Schilling, the Ever Reliable Curt Schilling, guts out 6 strong innings, but they are all for naught, as the Red Sox were facing a true Red Sox killer. In my heart of hearts, I fear, nay, I know that you’ll be on this Tampa Bay team for the foreseeable future, and will continue to face the Red Sox in a hideously unfair large amount of games. And I hate it. I hate myself for hating it. You only weigh 170 lbs, but it is enough to strike fear into the hearts of this Red Sox lineup…and this Red Sox fan.

Scott Kazmir. Red Sox Killer.

Please disappear.