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By Jimmy, 4/6/2010 5:43 pm

Through my sources, I’ve managed to obtain a full transcript of Randy Levine’s comments to the Milwaukee Brewers’ ownership group.  Below is the portion of Levine’s comments that were not quoted by the press.  A Dewey’s House exclusive:

OOM-pah LOOM-pah, dipadee-doo. 
I’ve got a little message for you.
OOM-pah LOOM-pah dipadee-dee.
We’ve outspent you by a factor of three.

What do you get when you sit in the sun?
Sizzling like a burger well done?
Why do I look a like a basketball?
Melanoma’s not really fun..at..all.

(Cashman: I don’t like the look of it)

OOM-pah LOOM-pah dipodee-din.
If you wish to have healthy skin.
You will use SPF thir-tee.
And then you’ll avoid looking just…like..me.

Doopidee-dee.

Weird. I’m not sure of the origin of the strange dialect Levine seemed to be using there. I’ll report back if I hear more.

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By Jimmy, 4/1/2010 6:50 am

Wow.  I can’t say I’m surprised, but wow.  People complained when President Obama won the Nobel prize last year, and I think this one takes it to a entirely new level of ridiculousness.  I’ll just paste an excerpt from the AP article here, so you can see for yourselves:

STOCKHOLM – No MVP?  No Problem.  New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter has a new piece of hardware to add to his trophy mantle: the Nobel Prize.  The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences decided to bestow their recently-created award for the field of “Character” to the 10-time All Star, selecting him among a field of less-qualified nominees.

“When we created the Nobel Prize for Character, we knew Mr. Jeter would be given strong consideration” explained Swedish Academy professor Olaf Fleugenpleurg.  “Derek was a landslide winner over other inferior candidates, such as Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, and Nelson Mandella”.  When asked how an athlete with relatively few philanthropic endeavors would win such a prestigious award over these historical icons, Fleugenpleurg explained the Academy’s logic behind the choice.  “You see, Jeter comes into work every day and does his job the right way.  People on every team respect him for that”.  Fleugenpleurg took a bite from his danish and elaborated, “MLK was shot to death, so there was at least one person who didn’t respect him.  Nelson Mandella was imprisoned for years; but did he hear the ghosts in Monument Park speaking to him?  Churchill needed the help of the Unites States to win a war; Derek Jeter wins all by himself.”

It seems that even the most indirect, unorthodox acts of humanity can earn you a Nobel Prize.  Fleugenpleurg explained, “Jeter has spread awareness by infecting so many young women and men with the herpes virus.  He obviously does this for the greater good.  He is saying to the world ‘This is what you should not do’.  This act of selflessness and courage is incredible.”

When questioned as to whether there will be other athletes in the future who win the Nobel Prize in the field of Character, since Jeter’s qualities seem to be shared with roughly 75% of highly-paid sports icons over age 30, Fleugenpleurg laughed, wiped lingonberry jam off of his Santa-like beard, and spoke. “What we have here is not an athlete.  He is a saint, who happens to play baseball.  While his UZR is low, his heart is enormous.”

There you have it.  I can’t say I really agree with the logic of the choice, but then again, the guy seems to win Gold Gloves, so…

Coming up next, the Red Sox team preview.  Maybe the Lowell situation will be resolved by the time I hit the “publish” button, but I doubt it.

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By Jimmy, 3/29/2010 9:11 am

The Sox recently acquired yet another potential backup infielder in Kevin Frandsen, a 27-year old who hit .295/.352/.438 for the Giants AAA team last season.  Frandsen is similar to Tug Hulett in a few ways: both are roughly the same age, and both have had moderate offensive success as infielders in AAA while not being able to carry that success over to the MLB level as of yet.  Just for kicks, here are both players’ PECOTA projections stacked up against Bill Hall, who has a roster spot just about locked up at this point:

The projection engine at Baseball Prospectus seems to like Frandsen a bit more than the other two backup infielders currently looking to make the major league squad (for what it’s worth).  One thing that Frandsen has over the other two guys: he’s played a lot of SS recently: 67 games in 2009 between San Francisco and AAA Fresno.

Other notes:

• Apparently, the Red Sox are making a stand in the Josh Beckett negotiations, refusing to go beyond four years.  I think that’s the right move, since Beckett hasn’t exactly been the Greek God of Health and Consistency during his time here.  Maybe you throw in an incentive based option year at the end of the four guaranteed years.  All the same, I wish this type of stuff wouldn’t get leaked, since we don’t need Beckett’s camp “losing face”.  Beckett has a temper.  I once witnessed a child approach him for an autograph, and he responded by stabbing the kid with a hunting knife and dousing him with deer urine.  I could only imagine what he’ll do to Theo Epstein if these talks get tense.
• Speaking of Beckett, he will be the Opening Day starter on Sunday night.  He’ll be followed by Lester, Lackey, and Wakefield.  Buchholz will jump into the rotation  after Beckett’s second start.  I suppose this makes Buchholz the de facto “5th starter” which may not bode well for him during his final option year.
• A Red Sox-Yankees Opening Day at 8 pm is really just an asinine idea.  Since there appears to be some sort of language in the official MLB rule book which states that every Sox-Yanks game must be at least 3.5 hours long, this game has sleep deprivation written all over it.  You don’t really need to entice viwers to watch the first game of the season.  Why not save thel whole rivalry opener for mid May, when the luster begins to wear off.  Add to this the fact that Sunday is a travel holiday for some of us in the Northeast, and the ESPN/MLB cabal deserves a public flogging for this one.

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By Jimmy, 3/11/2010 8:43 am

Just too predictable:  Yawn.  You could see this Dan Shaughnessy column coming from a mile away as soon as yesterday’s ceremony began.  Writers hold grudges like elderly Sicilian widows.  I stopped reading at the headline.

E tu, McAdam?: Less predictable was the usually rational Sean McAdam flying off the handle just minutes after the harmless show of gratitude ended, dubbing it the moment at which the franchise “jumped the shark”.  Really?  After all the dog-and-pony shows we’ve witnessed during the past decade or so, this one is the straw that breaks the camel’s back?  It seems like Nomar rubbed some newspaper guys the wrong way, simple as that.

Talking turkey: It appears that contract talks with Josh Beckett are progressing smoothly, with the end of spring training set as a target date for an agreement.

Unlikely power source: Yesterday’s most notable in-game moment was Jacoby Ellsbury jacking 2 HRs.  It’s not out of the realm of possibilities that he adds some modest pull power to his game as he enters his prime.  He’ll never be Carlos Beltran, but he might approach 20 HRs in a season.

I, robot: The Sox face ex-teammate Jason Bay in game action for the first time this afternoon.  Also in that Mets lineup is another ex Red Sox player, one known for his mental proficiencies…

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By Jimmy, 2/5/2010 11:42 am

The LoHud Blog is one of the more reputable Yankee blogs (ignore the oxymoron for a moment).  Their most notable alum is current Globe writer Peter Abraham, and they seem to enjoy a vast network of sources / contacts, something that your garden variety baseball blog probably does not have.

So, it came as a surprise when LoHud issued a hilarious piece arguing that Derek Jeter is the greatest Yankee of all time.  Some reasons for why Jeter is better than Ruth/Gehrig/Mantle/Ford/Alviro Espinosa:

“Jeter has had to contend with a 24/7 media, with paparazzi following him and his girlfriends and reporting about his personal life in addition to his play on the field.”

The paragraph goes on to compare Minka Kelly (yeah, I don’t know who she is either) to Marilyn Monroe.

“In 2009, he passed Lou Gehrig as the Yankees hit leader…”

Gosh, I wonder why that is.  It’s almost as if there was some event that happened in Gehrig’s life that caused him to retire early.  Well, I’m drawing a blank.  Jeter has more hits, that’s the important takeaway here.

And here’s my favorite paragraph:

“His heart and passion (yes…more please) for the game can be found in his spectacular defensive plays (SPECTACULAR DEFENSIVE PLAYS) and clutch hits. Derek Jeter is the most clutch player ever to put on the pinstripes. There are no specific statistics for clutch situations (except for the one called “clutch” I suppose) but his play when the game on the line is incomparable that he has earned the nickname “Captain Clutch.” Jeter also gets credit for one thing that Gehrig, Ruth, DiMaggio or Mantle had to deal with: playing for George Steinbrenner. (Yeah, it has to suck playing for the owner that gave you one of the most lucrative contracts in the history of the game. Like Osama Bin Laden, I’m not even convinced that Steinbrenner is still alive.  And the owners during the 1910’s-1960’s were all notoriously ethical and gracious, I guess).

You can read the whole thing here: http://yankees.lhblogs.com/2010/02/02/pinch-hitting-chris-and-trevor-kaftan/

The hysteria over Captain UZR is a welcome sign akin to the Groundhog Day: baseball season is almost here.

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By Jimmy, 12/16/2009 7:52 am

Free agent Aroldis Champan, a 21-year-old left-hander from Cuba, showcased his arm in a workout for representatives from 15 teams yesterday.  Among the representatives was Boston’s Craig Shipley, as the Red Sox have been interested in Chapman for months.

Technically, Boston already offered Chapman a major league contract worth around $15 million dollars, but that was before he switched agents.  In accordance with the insane brand of logic used by bloodthirsty lawyers, it’s as if the offer never happened.  The Sox now start their negotiations from scratch, and will be competing with a bunch of other franchises, including the Yankees.

In the workout, Chapman’s fastball ranged from 92-97 MPH, with some secondary pitches mixed in.  This is pretty impressive, considering it was done on a random day in December.  The velocity will likely increase during actual season, once Chapman has been throwing regularly in competition.  In the past (most notably, the World Baseball Classic), Chapman has been clocked in triple digits.  He’s very raw and will need some minor league seasoning, but will instantly become one of the top prospects in baseball as soon as he chooses a team.

Odd and Ends:

• Nothing new on the pending Lowell / Ramirez trade.  FOX’s Ken Rosenthal says the odds of the deal happening are greater than the odds of it falling through.
• Big Halladay trade yesterday, of course.  The spurned Yankees are claiming that the Blue Jays imposed a Yankee Tax on them during trade talks.  The persecution continues!  Cue the violin music!
• This new-look Red Sox team will not be cheap, and the luxury tax is a real possibility.  Actually, it could be the most expensive non-NY team in baseball history (they would likely still fall about $50 million short of the top MLB payroll, however).
• Two press conferences today, one for each new guy.  It would be great if Lackey threw a tantrum and trashed the media room for no reason whatsoever.

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By Jimmy, 11/25/2009 10:36 am

We’ve come a long way from Zoilo Versalles.

Zoilo, of course, was the gritty (oh, wait, Zoilo doesn’t quite fit the characteristics of a “gritty” player.  Let’s go with “fiery” instead) shortstop on the 1965 Minnesota Twins who managed to win the MVP Award while hitting .273/.319/.462.  It wasn’t too long ago that a shortstop could lock up the MVP award by having a decent year at the plate coupled with a Gold Glove, even when there are players who contributed more to their team’s success.

But, we don’t need to go all the way back to 1965 to find these questionable award recipients, do we?

1983: LaMarr Hoyt of the Chicago White Sox wins the Cy Young Award over Toronto’s Dave Stieb, who pitched more innings and had a higher ERA+ by over 30 points.  But, LaMarr had TWENTY FOUR WINS, he knew how to win ballgames, simple as that I tells ya!  When Hoyt steps up on that mound, he just channels Iron Joe McGinnity, he just knows how to scatter runs around the board.  He wills his team to victory!

1987: Steve Bedrosian of the Philadephia Phillies wins the Cy Young Award while throwing only 89 innings.  But, no pitcher in the league won 20 games, which means that pitchers simply did not know how to win.  Steve had FOURTY SAVES, the magic number, and he had a stereotypical 1980’s closer beard, thick and brambly, just like Bruce Sutter and Jeff Reardon and a slew of other guys who were too shitty to be starters!

1991: Terry Pendleton of the Atlanta Braves wins the MVP award over Barry Bonds (the skinny, 5-tool version of Barry), Ryne Sandberg, and about 10 other more deserving candidates.  But, the Hot-Lanta Braves went WORST TO FIRST, BABY!  They are a relevant story again, selling hats and jerseys by the truckload, so we need to have someone from this team win the MVP.  It might as well be the guy with the highest batting average!

There are other examples, such as Barry Zito, and as recently as 2 years ago, Jimmy Rollins.

So, you could imagine my surprise when I agreed with all four Cy Young And MVP winners this year.  The Cy Young recipients both made history for having the lowest win totals for a starting pitcher honoree in their respective leagues.  Joe Mauer won the MVP over a big market shortstop with “intangibles” and overrated defensive skills.  Albuert Pujols was a softball, but his coronation capped off an impressive 4 for 4 run for the Baseball Writers Association of America.

We can only come to one conclusion here.  The BBWAA is…learning.  Like Johnny Five from Short Circuit, they are absorbing the data made available to them, using it to make prudent and logical decisions.

Fascinating.

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By Jimmy, 10/28/2009 1:06 pm

Boston Globe scribe Tony Massarotti, undoubtedly trying to make the Guinness Book of World Records for most death threats on a sports blog post, has informed us Red Sox fans that we should be rooting for the Yankees in the World Series.

No thanks, Champ.

Normally, I enjoy Tony Mazz’s writings (and I especially enjoy hearing him on the new sports talk station here), but this can’t really be more than a desperate attention grab from a failing newspaper, right?  His argument is that a New York victory would restore some of the passion and fire that we’ve lost in the past few years.  What he calls passion and fire, I call misery and bitterness.

Words cannot describe the pain and torture that the Red Sox put me through in the years between 1986-2003.  Any fan who claims to relish those days is either a) lying or b) a crazy goddamn masochist.  If you need an inferiority complex to root for a baseball team, maybe sports fandom isn’t for you.  Go join Opus Dei or lock yourself in an iron maiden.  Either one would provide a similar experience to that of the “cursed” Red Sox fan.

The fact that he’s telling us to root against a former Red Sox pitcher who happens to be the greatest and most electrifying player we’ve ever seen in our lifetimes is simply incomprehensible to me.

Tony is an intelligent guy.  I am 100% confident that he does not believe what he writes in this article.

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By Jimmy, 9/1/2009 9:36 am

Alex Katz writes a tremendous piece on the right fielder of the Boston Red Sox, one of the most polarizing players in baseball.

Once people actually get to know him, their generalizations and past prejudices vanish instantly. They see that the emotionless demeanor is all part of his makeup, just as the money disputes and injuries are all part of the game.

I recommend everyone check this out, especially the haters.  Maybe it won’t completely sway your opinion (especially if you are the type of fan who gets hung up on salary amounts), but at the very least, it might cause you to think about J.D. Drew differently.

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By Jimmy, 8/25/2009 11:42 am

I’m going to list 5 players, along with a brief summary of each player’s MLB resume.  One of these guys doesn’t really belong in the same group as the others, based on their accomplishments and effectiveness as a player.  Let’s see if you can figure out which one I’m referring to.

• Wily Mo Pena – .253./307./.447 in 1,725 plate appearances.  Averages 150 Ks per 162 games.  Defensively, he is terrible.  Currently out of baseball at age 27.
• Daniel Cabrera – In his 6 year career, he has led the league in earned runs once, walks twice, wild pitches twice, and hit batsmen once.  He has been below average in every season.  Currently has a 14.40 ERA in AAA.
• Elijah Dukes – Hitting .233/.292/.388 this year.  After the Nationals acquired Dukes, they felt the need to hire an ex-cop for a new job within the organization titled “Special Assistant: Player Concerns”.  That person’s sole function is to follow Dukes around and prevent him from getting himself arrested.
• J.D. Drew – An All-Star right fielder with a career .282/.391/.500 line in 4,357 plate appearances.  His career OPS+ is 128, 1 point below that of Carl Yastrzemski.  Along with his offensive skills, he’s one of the best defensive right fielders in the league (14.5 UZR/150 this season). Has played in 107 games this year, the 5th most on the Red Sox roster.
• Mike MacDougal – A reliever who, while effective, averages 32 innings pitched per season.  Walks nearly 5 hitters per 9 innings.

Okay, I think we can agree that one player sort of stands out from the rest.  Why did I just list those 5 players?  According to a recent SI poll of 380 current Major League Baseball players, here are the top 5 biggest underachievers in the game:

1. Wily Mo Pena
2. Daniel Cabrera
3. Elijah Dukes
4. J.D. Drew
5. Mike MacDougal

So, given J.D. Drew’s performance throughout his career, this group is basically saying he’s an underachiever for not being the next Roberto Clemente.  They are critiquing him for being a very good player, instead of blossoming into an inner circle Hall of Famer.  Man, talk about high expectations.

To be fair, this is the same group of people who brought us Derek Jeter’s Gold Glove in a year in which his UZR was double digit negative, and Raffy Palmeiro’s 1B Gold Glove after he played about one fifth of the season at that position.  Sometimes, the players are the quickest to get hoodwinked by the idiotic groupthink, the Flavor-Aid mentality.  That’s what we’re seeing here.  It’s not really their fault; they can only watch 1 game on a typical night (the one they happen to be playing in).  So, when they hear morons in radio and print repeating the tired “J.D. Drew is lazy/heartless/whatever” mantra, what else are they supposed to believe if they don’t actually see his contributions to the field?

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By Jimmy, 8/20/2009 11:42 am

After a prolonged hiatus which spanned the majority of the 2009 regular season, iconic color analyst Jerry Remy will return to the booth tomorrow night.

Over the years, Remy has received lots of criticism  in certain circles, most of which is aimed at his relentless “Remdawg” brand salesmanship, his interactions with the anthropomorphic “Wally the Green Monster” doll that sits in a small white chair in the broadcast booth, and other  such gimmicks and tangents.  However, after witnessing the parade of replacement analysts circulated by NESN over the past few months, I think we can all agree at one thing: Remy is decent at what he does, and it’s definitely not an easy job.

So, how have his replacements fared thus far?

Dennis Eckersley
Grade: B

Dennis is one of the more popular personalities in NESN’s pre/post game studio.  He’s known as a down-to-earth guy who tells it like is with little regard to politics, and most people, including me, like that about him.  However, once he started broadcasting the actual games, we were all a little nervous about the rate at which he was using certain buzzwords , and how that would obviously distract the easily-amused Don Orsillo (note: I like Don, and I’m not using “easily amused” as an insult, like in the Nirvana song.  He’s just a jolly guy; nothing wrong with that).  However, Eck seems to be uttering “cheese” and “hair” less frequently these days, which is great.  He’s new to this gig, and appears to be learning on the job.  I hope he’s the guy who fills in for most of Remy’s future absences.

Sean Casey
Grade: C-

I’m going to go easy on Casey, since he cured my leprosy while I was meandering around a Lawrence soup kitchen back in 2006.  Casey seems like a smart enough guy, but he’s a little too goofy for media work, I think.  He’s like a more intelligent, coherent version of Rex Hudler.  Casey is living proof that you can’t just pluck any clean-cut “nice guy” from MLB retirement and drop him in a studio.  Maybe, like Eckersley, he can improve, but I think the problem is his voice and his demeanor, which aren’t characteristics that you can change easily.

Frank Viola
Grade: D+

With the thick Northeast accent, the mumbling, the 1987 vintage mustache, and the gold chain, he’s esentially the baseball version of Fred Smerlas.  One day, I expect to hear him on The Big Show on WEEI, telling me how J.D. Drew does not have “hot”.

Dave Roberts
Grade: F

Wow.  Does he look uncomfortable up there, or what?  You want him to do better, but it just seems like this is the last type of career he should pursue.  It’s the Sean Casey effect magnified by 10: sometimes being popular isn’t enough to cut it.

Lenny Clarke
Grade: Z

I made up a new grade for Lenny.  It’s in a dimension beyond “F”.  Lenny is a 350-pound time capsule from the Boston busing crisis era, and damn proud of it.  A fat, loud, disgusting, belligerent townie.  He laughs extremely hard at his own jokes, and his laughter always stands alone.  Lenny is at this best when he is playing himself on shows such as “Rescue Me”, and at his worst on live television, or anywhere else an audience may be present.  Really, he doesn’t belong in the same category as the guys listed above, but I wanted to create an opportunity for myself to rant, so there you have it.

I think Boston was hit with a reality check over the past few months.  Even if you are of the opinion that Jerry Remy is mediocre at what he does, “mediocre” is difficult to find in a world where Joe Morgan is considered the gold standard.

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By Jimmy, 6/16/2009 9:05 am

Most of the recent trade rumors have focused on Brad Penny, but Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports tells us that reliever Takashi Saito has drawn interest from several teams.  Apparently, Hank Blalock was close to being dealt for Saito, but the recent injury to Josh Hamilton made the trade impossible.

The interest in Saito surprises me, since a) Saito is older than dirt, and b) the Red Sox have a handful of other pitchers who are less expensive and would be more attractive in a trade (Masterson, Delcarmen).  However, as I’ve mentioned before, Saito seems to be pitching like the guy who dominated the National League for three years.

Saito since May:

If he can continue at a pace even close to that, he’s probably worth holding on to.  Trading Saito wouldn’t solve the problem of the rotation logjam when Smoltz arrives, and it probably wouldn’t give the Sox a return equal to the spoils received if Manny Delcarmen was dealt.

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By Jimmy, 5/6/2009 11:57 am

Michael Kay, as you may or may not know, is a television broadcaster for the New York Yankees on the YES Network (baseball’s Al-Jazeera).  Kay is known for his high degree of professionalism and objectivity.  I swear, you can’t even tell he’s a Yankee broadcaster when listening to him.  He’s that objective.

Sure enough, during yesterday’s game, Kay graces his viewers with this beauty of a quote describing the record of the Boston Red Sox.  Paraphrasing:

“The Red Sox have a record of 17-10.  But, that record is skewed by their 11 game winning streak.”

Skewed. SKEWED!  This is the level of analysis I strive to one day achieve.  A winning streak skews a team’s record.  Boston’s 11 game win streak is just an aberration, a bastardized blip on the far corner of a scatter plot.  It shouldn’t count.  Those games should be stricken from any type of Pythagorean record calculation.  If Bill James were analyzing the 2009 Red Sox, he would probably subtract all 11 of those wins, because they simply skew the team’s true record.

In the Michael Kay School of Quantitative Analysis, Joe DiMaggio’s true batting average in 1941 is something like .275, because that 56 game streak is skewing the rest of his numbers.  Rocky Marciano’s entire career is one giant sample error. Ect.

Your Boston Red Sox.  17-10 (but they should be 6-10).

Postscript: Kay did pick a Player Of The Game from last night’s contest.  Which player do you think he picked for this award?  If you guessed “the starter who gave up 4 runs in 5+ innings, leaving the game before 6 relief pitchers were needed to finish the loss” you would be correct!

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By Jimmy, 2/12/2009 5:16 pm

This is an off-topic rant, just needed to vent for a moment.

I assume you’re aware that a certain popular Olympic athlete was photographed smoking out of a device commonly referred as “a bong”.  Apologies were made, some sponsorships were lost, everybody moves on, right?  I mean, we are involved in a perpetual war and we are on the brink of an economic depression, so we can probably just let bygones be bygones on this one, right folks?  Wrong!

AP Story

A defense lawyer in South Carolina says police in the county where Michael Phelps was photographed smoking from a marijuana pipe have been arresting people as they seek to make a case against the superstar swimmer.

Holy Mother of Christ, they are building a case against Michael Phelps for inhaling pot.  Now keep in mind, this is the same state which recently had the Confederate Flag raised above its capital building, so apparently this brand of ass-backward nonsensical behavior from public servants is the norm down there.  I guarantee there are handfuls of lawmakers supporting this action who are categorically against government expenditures or government intervention of any kind, but by all means, let’s use taxpayer resources to build a case against a 23-year-old American Olympic hero as if he’s “The Greek”, as if he’s running billions of dollars of black tar heroin into the Port of Charleston via cargo containers.  Yes, that makes sense.  Let’s drag out that old bulletin board, draw that criminal org chart, put some photos on the wall.  Deploy surveillance teams, spend some money on top-of-the-line equipment.  The state literacy rates are in the toilet year-after-year, but let’s put all that schoolin’ stuff on the back burner, we got ourselves a stoner to incarcerate!  He’s a snide sombitch who thinks he can come into OUWR STATE and smoke REEFER?! Let’s GIT HIM!

I salute you, Sheriff Kleetus McIncest.  You saw an opportunity to nail some wealthy hippie’s stones to the wall, and make a name for yourself in the process.  Please stop at nothing to bring this monster to justice.  Persevere, Mr. McIncest.  Persevere.

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By Jimmy, 8/22/2008 11:54 am

Mike Schmidt, the legendary Philadelphia Phillies third baseman, was in Pawtucket yesterday to throw out the first pitch at McCoy Stadium.  Like several other surviving Hall of Famers, the 58-year-old has some opinions to share about the modern day player, most of which would sound completely appropriate if followed by the phrase “dag nabbit”.

ProJo

According to Schmidt: Manny’s final days in a Red Sox uniform are “from a player’s standpoint, one of the worst things I’ve ever witnessed in the history of the game.”

Schmidt, born in 1949, has witnessed the following things:

• The Pete Rose scandal.  Schmidt was Rose’s teammate at one time.
• A work stoppage which cut the 1981 season in half, and another which caused the cancellation of the World Series in 1994.
• Rampant cocaine & speed abuse in the 1980’s.
• Rampant steroid abuse in the 1990’s.
• The rise and fall of artificial turf.
• The pinnacle of fan violence and drunkenness in the 1970’s, the most notable example being “Disco Demolition Night”.

Manny Ramirez is comparable to these?

Stick to selling soup, Mike.

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By Zach, 5/14/2008 1:06 pm

Steve Phillips is right, but he has no idea why. If you can stand watching an ESPN broadcast with the sound on, and really, the unintentional comedy of listening to Dan Shulman corral the two knuckleheads locked in that booth with him is reason enough, you’ve heard Phillips’ latest tirade. “Major League Baseball is on pace for one THOUSAND less home runs than in 2006.” Or something vaguely familiar and more convoluted than that.

Amateur economists like to quote a famous economist that once said “there are lies, damned lies, and statistics.” Phillips’ filibuster on home run totals looks like some guy trying to create misleading statistical evidence. Why limit it to home runs? They aren’t the only measure of power and therefore, steroid use. Why use the entire season? Power is usually down in April and May as players adjust and power is sapped by cold weather and dense air. Why use a raw total? Generally there are more off days and rain outs in the cold northeast during April and May. If he was really trying to prove that power has declined he’d compare a rate stat over a similar time period.

As it turns out, he’s covered up the truth. Slugging was down in April, and by a large margin.

MLB SLG, April 2006: .430
MLB SLG, April 2008: .401

Thanks for dumbing it down Steve, maybe soon we’ll reach your level.

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By Zach, 4/14/2008 7:26 am

With two of baseball’s best offenses handicapped by injuries and slumping superstars, Phil Hughes and Daisuke Matsuzaka were victimized by patience and high pitch counts. The former didn’t get an out in the third, and the latter struggled mightily through five.  Matsuzaka was handed the big lead but couldn’t keep runners off base in the early innings. His fastball command was typically spotty, the difference Sunday was an inconsistent change-up. In his previous three starts he has relied on the change to lefties; without an out pitch he went to the curve more, with mixed results.

The back of the bullpen was unavailable, leading to tense middle innings and a tightrope act without a net. Mike Timlin didn’t retire a batter but was bailed out by Javy Lopez in the seventh. Lopez and David Aardsma were effective; early results on recent bullpen cuts suggest the right moves were made.

Turning to media watch, Jon Miller and Joe Morgan need to be led to pasture. If your job is announcing baseball games, it’s not acceptable to routinely get players’ names wrong. They’ve never offered thoughtful insight, but Sunday Night Baseball has become a tired repeat of the same stories over and over. Did we need a steroids/curse diatribe again? No, but we got them both.

Monday night, Jon Lester faces off against Jake Westbrook in Cleveland. Will David Ortiz be back in the lineup? Will his “mental health day” get him back on track?

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By Jimmy, 9/8/2007 1:55 pm

This isn’t really a surprise. The FOX Network, in general, detracts from society. There are two redeeming qualities to FOX, both of which are cartoons aired on Sunday nights. The rest of the network is really just a podium for mongolism, and that includes their baseball coverage.

Anyway, for some background, Orioles pitcher Daniel Cabrera threw a 98 MPH fastball behind Dustin Pedroia’s head last night. The reason: he was frustrated that he is a terrible pitcher. That’s it. He was essentially playing the role of Baby Huey, a 6′9″ crybaby who can’t cope with his lack of skill.

Here is Kevin Kennedy’s take:

Kevin Kennedy: “Well, Coco Crisp shouldn’t be jockeying up and down the third base line. That’s why the guy got hit”.

Jeanne Zelasko: “Giggle!” (twirls hair)

First of all, Pedroia didn’t “get hit”. Cabrera missed him, expectedly. Daniel Cabrera has the worst control and poise in the major leagues, and it is no surprise that he, once again, missed his target.

Second, you’re justifying this? Wow. It’s really shocking that no MLB teams have called you with job offers in the past 12 years.

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By Zach, 8/9/2007 12:32 pm

Like the tides and O.J. Simpson, the much publicized spat between Dan Shaughnessy and Curt Schilling is back, with a new wrinkle. In his game recap today, the usually steady Gordon Edes peppered his bleary-eyed effort with a quip regarding the latest Celtics news.

“They’d better have four balls,” Francona said, marveling at Reggie’s famous demolition of the Knicks at the feet of Spike Lee. Jerry Remy suggested that the Cooz was still available.

In my journey through the morning sports pages, I also stumbled across this jab at Ainge and the C’s:

First Tom Brady gets named best-dressed man in the world – an unspeakable shot at Bill Belichick, Larry Bird, and yours truly. Then we find out the Celtics are going after Reggie Miller as part of their back-to-the-future archaeological dig. Really now. Reggie Miller? The guy is almost 42. He’s a television analyst. Why not just see if Cooz wants to lace ‘em up one more time?

Shaughnessy managed to yet again work himself into a column, and was unknowingly called out by his fellow Globe writer for stealing a joke from Remy. Coincidence? I doubt it. If we can get Bill Simmons and Chuck Klosterman involved, this debate could rival stem-cell research, Lincoln-Douglas, and gay marriage combined.  I wonder which side Schilling takes; “no comment” isn’t in his vocabulary.

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By Zach, 4/19/2007 6:10 am

Its hard to say “must win” in April, but the Red Sox picked up a big one last night against the Blue Jays. A loss would have all but guaranteed a sweep with Julain Tavarez scheduled to duel Roy Halladay tonight.

Determining the ace of the Sox staff is difficult, with four pitchers at the top of their game this team should be better than 8-5. Clearly, a bum named Manny Ramirez is preventing dominance. The bats threw up a crooked number against Ervin Santana with ease, then were dominated by Gustavo Chacin? After a miserable start against old friend Tomo Ohka, I was preparing the gallows. For a moment (or an eternity), it looked like Timmeh was in for an excellent losing season on a winning team.

Ohka must take extra breaths between innings, because he didn’t waste any time with such trivialities when he was on the mound. A sharp contrast to the Yankee game, where Jeremy Sowers was terrified to throw the ball. It was difficult for me to get my thoughts on the page because the innings were flying by with no regard for this lowly blogger. At the top of the sixth in the Sox game, the Yanks and Indians were limping through a rainy third inning. Did I see that correctly? Matt Stairs, Frank Thomas, and Royce Clayton were all starting? Crank up the Delorean, Marty, and take me back to 2007.

The machinations by the mediots blaming Lugo’s defense and Daisuke’s performance in Tuesday night’s game are a load of hooey. I can say “hooey” on the internet, right? The botched DP led to a run, but this offense needs to score in bunches against the likes of Chacin. That was a team loss, and defense was far from the Red Sox only failure. Blame sells newspapers, so ostensibly Lugo and Daisuke are the the scapegoats; JD, take note and tread lightly.

Continuing his campaign to lead the league in ISO-power, Doug Mirabelli has as many homers as singles. Last night he provided all the offense, a solo shot and RBI single were enough. When are we going to see the much anticipated Mirabelli-Hinske chest-bump?

It’s time for Ortiz to begin employing the bunt a little more. The Sox don’t face Joe Maddon until July, but he’ll probably move Dioner Navarro to the left of the pitching mound if Ortiz lays down five straight bunts. You know Jerry Remy would wet himself. Speaking of the the RemDawg, The “vaaaaahhhse” line has gotten a little old. How much longer until Administrative Professional’s Day? Also, does that mean I have to get the temp at my office some chocolate or something? What’s the protocol here? Administrative Professional means “secretary,” right?

In the fifth, the knuckler was diving and dancing a bit too much, three straight walks loaded the bases but a timely strike out prevented any damage. The bottom of the depleted Jays’ offense figured Wake out in the seventh, Royce Clayton was driven in by John MacDonald after lacing a double to left. Brendan Donnelly came on to work the eighth, and with a three run lead, you know who’s coming out for the ninth.

If anyone had dreams of a more progressive (Bill James style) bullpen approach, last night was proof the Red Sox aren’t as smart as you. Papelbon was shaky, missing his spots repeatedly, but the gas was there and the win was preserved. Where does Terry turn if Papelbon is needed for six outs today? He should be used in the three-run save situation only preceding an off day, or Gustavo Chacin start.

Consistency has never been a strength for Wakefield, but his three starts in 2007 are very encouraging. Thanks for everything, Tim, past, present, and for the next one to infinity years.

Tonight: Tavarez at Halladay, Fausto Carmona (CLE) at Darrell Rasner (NYY)