The 62-year-old Valentine’s most-recent MLB gig was 10 years ago, when he finished in last place with an overpaid, aging Mets team (my apologies: “overpaid & aging” and “Mets team” is a redundancy). I admit to not being very familiar with Valentine’s managerial tactics. Neither is Dan Shaughnessy, it seems. However, that did not stop Danny Boy from penning an entire column on why Valentine is the right guy for the job.  Oh, sure, Dan mentions interesting tidbits, like the fact that Valentine is Ralph Branca’s son-in-law, and the fact that he has a cult following in Japan. Not much was said about Valetine’s actual track record and tendencies as a manager, though.

I think that I should be an astronaut. Why?  Well, I may or may not be a direct descendant of the Bourbon Kings of Naples, and I can belch really, rally loudly on command.  The above statement makes just about as much sense as much of Shaughnessy’s column promoting Valentine.  Here is the most memorable trait of Bobby Valentine: he once wore a Groucho Marx mask while hiding in the dugout after being ejected. It made Sportscenter.

Valentine is a pseudo-celebrity, and Dan’s one salient point is that this might help him in the leadership department. Players might be more prone to respect a guy with star power. While I can agree with that, there’s a whole lot more that should go into this type of analysis, and as of now, I haven’t read much else in the media’s argument for Valentine.

More on this later.

Update: There’s been some murmuring regarding a drug-related issue.  If this is actually a second violation, and not some residual issue from the first time he was caught, then a) he’s officially pissed away his Hall of Fame chances, and b) he’s officially the dumbest player in baseball history.

Update 4:40 pm:  It is a new violation.  Manny failed another drug test during spring training.  He was facing a 100 (one hundred) game suspension, so he decided to instead retire. Sigh…

Here’s an old piece I wrote on Manny, ranking the top “Manny Ramirez Moments” during his time in a Red Sox uniform.

Boston and Massachusetts are known for their proud embrace of 400-year-old puritanical “blue laws”, most of which do not have any practical application to modern society.  Stupid shit, like business owners needing a permit to open shop on Columbus Day (because we all know that Chris Columbus single-handedly discovered America, so it only makes sense that we commemorate his heroics by chipping away at the already-fragile state economy).

Mayor Tom Menino, seeking to continue a Boston tradition of shackling the free market in the name of idiocy, took issue with the Red Sox selling these drinks at Fenway.   His argument was something along the lines of, “Err-ehh (I’m doing my Mayor Quimby voice here) err-ehh, these drinks should nawt be sold in the bleachahs, err-ehh“.  Somehow, in Menino’s mind and in the minds of a bunch of grandstanding city and police officials, it’s completely fine for people in the bleachers to swill a dozen 5% ABV beers and drive home to Reading or Dedham in their Ford F-150′s, but the appearance of a whiskey sour in Section 35 will cause Armageddon.

Why, you ask, is it acceptable to have a free-flowing torrent of domestic beer at the ballpark, but no mixed drinks with roughly the same alcohol content?  It’s simple: certain people have this Norman Rockwell image of what a baseball game should look like.  Wooden stadiums, wool uniforms.  Beer, peanuts, and hot dogs (but nothing else!).  All children should have red hair, freckles, and huge smiles.  Umpires should be fat and authoritative.  Players should have a gruff blue-collar appearance to them, like coal miners.  There should be very few minorities around, and everyone in the crowd should be wearing fedoras.  There are no strawberry daiquiris or pomegranate martinis in the Norman Rockwell world of baseball, it’s as simple as that.

The same type of people who are raging against the sale of mixed-drinks at Fenway are generally the same type of people who complained about the kiosks serving sushi or pizza.  It’s baseball!  There’s no sushi in baseball!

Thankfully, it appears that a compromise has been reached.  Fenway can sell their mixed drinks, as long as they err-ehh, keep them away from the bleachahs, err-ehh.  Because, you know, God forbid the unwashed masses get their hands on a watered-down Tom Collins.  The universe would collapse on itself.

“I’d like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll,” he barked. “You got Carl Crawford ’cause you paid more than anyone else, and that’s what makes you smarter? That’s why I like whipping their butt. It’s great, knowing those guys with the $205 million payroll are saying ‘How the hell are they beating us?’”

Okay, a few quick points:

• The Red Sox payroll was $168 million last year, and will be around $180 million this year
• In 12 years as a MLB manger, Showalter has had 1 postseason appearance and zero championships
• In 8 years as GM of the Red Sox, Theo Epstein has 6 postseason appearances and 2 championships
• Showalter is 18-24 in his career against Epstein’s Red Sox

In all honestly, the comments don’t bother me a bit.  The Orioles play Boston roughly 18 times per season, and the games tend to be among the dullest on the schedule, aside from the fact that it gives Red Sox fans a chance to visit Fenway South and help themselves to some crab legs and Yuengling.  If Buck wants to play the Rex Ryan role and fire up the rivalry a bit, it’s fine by me.

Coming up: a blitzkrieg of team previews.

Anyway, the media knows that there is some potential for drama in the Boston bullpen this year, given the fact that you have three guys who cold potentially close for most teams in the league, and the guy who currently wears the crown is a) known for being very blunt and outspoken in front of the microphone, and b) coming off of his worst season yet. Naturally, they decided to ask Bobby Jenks a couple of loaded questions, hoping that he would say the wrong thing and start an avalanche of awkwardness before spring training even begins.

Must to the chagrin of the folks holding the microphones and asking the questions, Jenks masterfully returned the volley:

On his role: “It’s going to be different, obviously. It’s going to be an adjustment that I have to make on the field. … It’s going to be an adjustment day-to-day and something I’ll have to learn from quickly once the season starts and get myself adapted to that type of mindset this spring.”

On working with Jonathan Papelbon: “We’re fine. I didn’t come here to step on anybody’s toes. I know what my role is. Coming here, we’ve been friends, shoot, for many years now. I don’t think that’s going to be any problem throughout the year at all.”

On what will happen if fans want him to close: “If those questions do come up, it’s going to come down to the decision of the manager and whatever they think is best for the team. If that means whatever it means, they’re doing it for their own reasons.”

Bobby Jenks just got himself an A+ in Handling the Boston Media 101.

I’ll be updating the list and shuffling the rankings periodically based on new information as it comes in (sparingly in the pre-season, and more regularly once the minor league season begins).

Over the next few weeks, I plan on adding several more pages to that gray bar, including MLB Power Rankings among other things.

One major thing to keep in mind when reading my ballot: I don’t penalize heavily for alleged steroid abuse.  My feelings can be summarized by the idea that many, many Hall of Famers have benefited from outside influences over the years, whether it was amphetamines, doctored pitches, a segregated “whites only” league, gambling, etc.  I don’t see why we should draw a line at steroids while ignoring all of these other things that have skewed the baseball almanacs for nearly 150 years.

We have a strong ballot this year, and I’ll end up using the maximum 10 votes.  I can’t remember another year in which I would have voted for 10 guys.  I’ll list my inductees by order of preference, along with the team that should be on their cap in Cooperstown.  In the interest of time, my argument for each will be very brief.

1) Barry Larkin – SS – Cincinnati Reds
12-time All Star, 2 Top Ten MVP votes, 1 MVP, 1 World Series Ring
Larkin is quite possibly one of the top ten shortstops in the history of the game.  He may not have had Cal Ripken’s durability, but he was on par with Ripken in nearly all other facets.  Played his entire career for the same franchise (this gets you a slight edge in my ballot).  Would have received around 90% of the vote last year if he played in a big market (he ended up with 50%).

2) Jeff Bagwell – 1B – Houston Astros
4-time All Star, 6 Top Ten MVP votes, 1 MVP
It’s kind of odd to see that Bagwell only made 4 All-Star teams, but the 1990′s were an era with lots of good first basemen (three of them are on this ballot).  Easily the best hitter in Astros franchise history.

3) Tim Raines – LF – Montreal Expos
7-time All Star, 3 Top Ten MVP Votes, 1 World Series Ring
Played his entire career in the shadow of Rickey Henderson, and thus is severely underrated.  Raines actually had a better SB percentage than the SB king himself (86% vs 81%).  Maybe the most productive NL outfielder during the 1980′s.

4) Mark McGwire – 1B – Oakland A’s
12-time All Star, 5 Top Ten MVP Votes, 1 World Series Ring
People are starting to forget how much of an offensive wrecking ball this guy was.  Right now, you can buy a ticket to the Baseball Hall of Fame and marvel at the plaque of Joe George “High Pockets” Kelly, but not McGwire’s.  A bunch of pretentious writers will probably ensure that it stays this way.

5) Bert Blyleven – SP – Minnesota Twins
2-time All Star, 4 Top Ten Cy Young Votes, 2 World Series Rings
The arguments I’ve read for not voting for Blyleven (“he wasn’t a big game pitcher”, “you never looked at the scorecard and said ‘oh no, we’re facing Bert Blyleven”, “baseball is about winning, and he didn’t win enough ballgames”) are all stupid.  Nine of Blyleven’s top ten comparable players on baseballreference.com are Hall of Famers.

6) Roberto Alomar – 2B – Toronto Blue Jays
12-time All Star, 5 Top Ten MVP Votes, 2 World Series Rings
Alomar never really identified himself with one franchise, which I think is a reason for his lack of support last year.  He and Blyleven were both a couple of votes short, so I’m guessing that they both get in this year.

7) Larry Walker – RF – Colorado Rockies
5-time All Star, 4 Top Ten MVP Votes, 1 MVP
The fact that his best seasons were played in Coors Field probably hurts him in the eyes of some voters, but Walker’s numbers would have been impressive if his home park was located on one of Jupiter’s moons.

8) Alan Trammell – SS – Detroit Tigers
6-time All Star, 3 Top Ten MVP Votes, 1 World Series Ring
Alan was hurt by inconsistency.  He has some years that were truly great, followed up by years in which he was so-so.  Still, next to Ripken, he was the 2nd-best SS in the American League during most of his career.

9) Raphael Palmeiro – 1B – Texas Rangers
4-time All Star, 3 Top Ten MVP Votes
An excellent player for a very long time.  I fully expect Raffy to get less than 10% of the actual vote and fall of the ballot completely.  If voters want to discount his career that much based on a PED he may have ingested later in his career, that’s fine.  It’s not how I would vote, though.

10) Kevin Brown – SP – Texas Rangers
6-time All Star, 5 Top Ten Cy Young Votes, 1 World Series Ring
Like Alomar, he bounced around for most of his career, and he was also a notorious douchebag.  Both of these things will hurt him in the voting.  His career is pretty similar to that of Curt Schilling, who would also get my vote once he becomes eligible.

Jenks is a behemoth with closer-caliber stuff who was non-tendered by the Chicago White Sox earlier in the offseason.  He’s had high K rates and low HR rates throughout his career, and could be a terrific addition to the Red Sox bullpen.

Nothing is done yet, so we’ll monitor this one.

Update:

Rob Bradford tells us that an agreement is in place: $12 million over 2 years.

As of right now, on paper, this appears to be one of the best Red Sox teams ever assembled in my lifetime.  The caveat is that they still need to actually play the games, but on paper, the talent on this team in on par with the 2004 team.

This team is engineered to win the World Series.

First and foremost, any analysis of Gonzalez should be done while using his road performance, since his home park is extremely favorable to pitchers.  Let’s take a look at how he fared on the road, in comparison to his elite peers at first base:

Keep in mind, Adrian’s shoulder injury was sustained in May.  He was playing hurt most of the year, and was forced to change his approach at the plate to compensate for the weak shoulder.  Still, he ended up with some pretty impressive power numbers despite the shoulder issues.

The shoulder surgery is a mild concern, but we’d have to think that the Red Sox medical staff kicked the tires here before any decision was made.

Let’s take a look at what type of hitter Gonzalez is, and how his style might translate to Fenway Park.  Earlier, I commented on how Carl Crawford (another left-handed hitter) might struggle to hit for any power here since he was a dead-pull hitter and Fenway is deep in straight-away right field.  Fortunately, Gonzalez does not discriminate when it comes to the long ball:

Those were his home runs in 2010 thanks to HitTrackerOnline.com.  Plotting his homers, doubles, and fly outs at Petco on MLB.com tells a similar story:

See that nice little cluster of fly ball outs near the left field wall in Petco Park?  In Fenway, those will not be caught by any outfielder who isn’t wearing circus clown stilts.

Okay, now that we’ve established that Gonzalez is a lefty who hits to all fields, we can address the other concern people have in regards to left-handed power hitters; how does he do against left-handed pitching?  Before 2010, Adrian did struggle a bit against lefties.  However, his splits have gradually improved until last year he managed to actually hit better against left-handed pitching than he did against righties.  Behold:

Finally, let’s take a look at how Gonzalez performed against difficult competition (Interleague play and a select few elite pitchers with whom he’s familiar):

Adrian crushed the opposition in Interleague play last season, and has done fairly well against some very good pitchers, with the exception of Lincecum and Jiminez.

While no one is exactly sure how Adrian will play in Boston over the next few years (assuming he signs an extension) most of the recent data we have available seems to indicate that he will probably excel here.  It appears that Red Sox fans have a reason to be excited over this one.

Other tidbits:

• It doesn’t look like any contract extension is in place as of yet.
• Seven years for Jayson Werth.  Good god.  I’m guessing Nationals ownership will get a holiday fruit basket from the MLBPA union lawyers, and another one from Carl Crawford.

I’ve heard some folks (most recently, John Wallach on 98.5) claim that Crawford’s power numbers should increase in Fenway Park.  I don’t really think this is the case.

When Crawford, a lefty, hits the ball in the air, he is a dead-pull hitter.  He’s Johnny Damon with slightly less power.  Let’s take a look at this home run chart from last season, courtesy of HitTrackerOnline.com:

The vast majority of Crawford’s home runs were hit to right field, which in Fenway in deep (with the exception of the area near the foul pole).   Even when the fences are moved in 8 feet this season, it will still be one of the more difficult straight away RF areas to hit a home run.

If you need more evidence, check out Crawford’s home run rate at Fenway compared to everywhere else:

Crawford would bring a lot to the table were he to come to Boston.  A dynamic presence at the top of the order.  Elite baserunning.  Excellent defense in LF.  Just don’t assume that he will morph into a 25-30 HR guy in a Red Sox uniform.  It probably won’t happen.

Other tidbits:

• Ron Santo, a guy on the top of the list of those snubbed by the HoF, has died.  If only he had some sort of aquatic creature nickname, like “Sturgeon”, “Pickerel”, or “Zebra Mussel”, he’d be enshrined by now.
• In an odd turn of events, the Red Sox have non-tendered Taylor Buchholz and Andrew Miller (yes, the two pitchers they acquired last month).  My guess is that the team may have some sort of verbal agreement worked out with one or both guys.