The 62-year-old Valentine’s most-recent MLB gig was 10 years ago, when he finished in last place with an overpaid, aging Mets team (my apologies: “overpaid & aging” and “Mets team” is a redundancy). I admit to not being very familiar with Valentine’s managerial tactics. Neither is Dan Shaughnessy, it seems. However, that did not stop Danny Boy from penning an entire column on why Valentine is the right guy for the job.  Oh, sure, Dan mentions interesting tidbits, like the fact that Valentine is Ralph Branca’s son-in-law, and the fact that he has a cult following in Japan. Not much was said about Valetine’s actual track record and tendencies as a manager, though.

I think that I should be an astronaut. Why?  Well, I may or may not be a direct descendant of the Bourbon Kings of Naples, and I can belch really, rally loudly on command.  The above statement makes just about as much sense as much of Shaughnessy’s column promoting Valentine.  Here is the most memorable trait of Bobby Valentine: he once wore a Groucho Marx mask while hiding in the dugout after being ejected. It made Sportscenter.

Valentine is a pseudo-celebrity, and Dan’s one salient point is that this might help him in the leadership department. Players might be more prone to respect a guy with star power. While I can agree with that, there’s a whole lot more that should go into this type of analysis, and as of now, I haven’t read much else in the media’s argument for Valentine.

“Nothing gold can stay.”

                   - Robert Frost

Ladies and gentlemen of New England, we are now looking into the abyss.  Over the course of the past 3 months, we have experienced extreme heartache, shock, anger, betrayal, and loss. Recent events have us wondering if the Red Sox franchise is, after all, cursed.  And just as we think we’ve clawed our way out of this unforgiving chasm of despair and pain, we’re hit with the ultimate blow, one that sends us reeling back into the very bottom of that same abyss.

They tell you that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  Does it?  Does it really?   If there is a supreme being, why on Earth would he torture us like this?  Maybe we are ants in the cosmic spectrum, and He is an ill-tempered child with a magnifying glass.  I really don’t know.

There may come a day when I can look back and understand the reasons for the terrible news. Today, however, all we can do is pick up the pieces.

Alas, Heidi Watney is leaving NESN.

There are some direct way to go about doing this, such as offer a large contract to a notable MLB closer such as Ryan Madson (the guy who Papelbon is replacing in Philadelphia). However, as we’ve seen with Papelbon’s new contract, pitchers with an established reputation as a closer will demand top dollar in this free-agent market. Let’s face it, teams aren’t just paying for the numbers, they are paying for the “bulldog mentality” or whatever intangibles are supposedly inherent in a guy who can finish close baseball games on a nightly basis. The magnitude of impact that these intangibles have on performance (assuming they even exist) is quite debatable, which leads me to believe that this may be an area where a more savvy GM can save a bit of coin without sacrificing too much in terms of actual talent.

I’ve always been a strong supporter of two types of moves:

1. Acquiring a middle reliever with good peripheral numbers but little/no closer experience.
2. Attempting to convert an inconsistent starting pitcher with good “stuff” into a reliever.

Keeping in mind the fact that Scutaro celebrated his 36th birthday yesterday, the Sox will need to brace themselves for the inevitable plummit in productivity which may or may not occur next season.  The easy approach would be to use a loose RHP/LHP platoon with Lowrie, who hits left-hand pitching very well.  A more bold approach would be to kick the tires on free-agent superstar Jose Reyes, shop Lowrie, and use Scutaro as a utility infielder. This, of course, is less likely.

Other notes:

• In relation to my Reyes note above, the worst possible effect of the John Lackey / Carl Crawford contracts would be Red Sox management and ownership becoming irrationally gun shy on the free agent market. Even ignoring the strong possibility that Crawford turns things around next season, there have been many, many success stories resulting from teams taking on long-term risk in free agency. Consider where the Yankees would have been without C.C. Sabathia over the past few years, or the Cardinals without Matt Holliday. Or, the 2004-2007 Red Sox without one Manuel Aristides Ramirez.  We can only hope that Ben Cherington isn’t the reactionary type.
• The Sox begin interviewing candidates for the manager role today, starting with Phillies bench coach Pete Mackanin. My early wager is on DeMarlo Hale being promoted internally, but I suppose a lot of that will depend on the scope of the political fallout (if any) from Terry Francona’s departure.

From looking at his track record over the course of the last several years, it’s pretty clear that his durability and effectiveness have both been steadily deteriorating, at a relatively young age. He has had bouts of elbow discomfort in the past, so the TJS news isn’t exactly a bombshell.

I’m not happy with his 2011 performance, but I’m also not very comfortable with the way he’s treated here.  From Bob Stanley, to Jose Offerman, to Julio Lugo, and now Lackey…the angry mob mentality displayed by most of the fan base just isn’t my cup of tea.

Here’s hoping for a year of tranquility.

While the Red Sox clearly have their problems, the Oakland A’s have not had a winning season in 5 years.  I guess, sometimes, the low-hanging fruit tastes pretty sweet.

Can’t say I really blame him. The bar is set pretty low at Wrigley Field.

It would have been nice if he didn’t enter in to a bunch of high-risk long-term contracts in the two years prior to his exodus.  In the often-used Titanic analogy, this would be the equivalent of the captain jumping ship immediately after hitting the iceberg, and boarding a smaller, lesser-known ship.

We’ve seen many managerial regime changes here in Boston, most of them without much sentiment.

This one’s going to be tough.

Box Score

If you were to analyze the pool of baseball fans in America, at both ends of the spectrum you’d notice two extremes: the old school fan who shuns statistics and relies more on intuition and first-hand experiences, and the quantitative SABR type who embraces statistics and scoffs at the gut feeling approach to baseball analysis. I probably lean towards the latter. However, there’s one thing that the SABR extremists sometimes fail to recognize: sometimes it’s OK to be irrationally sentimental. After all, we’re spending our time obsessing over men who are paid vast fortunes to hit leather balls with wooden sticks, which is a very irrational act in itself.

Therefore, I think it’s OK to throw some props towards Tim Wakefield this morning. We don’t have to pretend that he’s having a good year, or that he pitched well last night, or that the win statistic is very meaningful. For better or for worse, milestones like this one are meaningful to most observers, and that alone makes them important.

Key Players:

• Hero of the Game: Dustin Pedroia (4 for 5, 2 HRs, 4 runs, 5 RBI, 29.5% WPA)
• Goat of the Game: Brandon Morrow (5 runs allowed in 5.1 innings, -41.9% WPA)

1. With the bases loaded and two outs in the 1st, Toronto first baseman David Cooper scoops up a routine grounder hit by Josh Reddick, and air-mails the ball over the pitcher covering first. Two runs score on the error. (16.0% WPA)
2. Jacoby Ellsbury hits a solo HR with 2 outs in the 4th (12.9% WPA).
3. Dustin Pedroia immediately follows Ellsbury’s HR with one of his own (12.7% WPA).

“Panic is unbecoming.”

- Larry Lucchino, Red Sox CEO

The Red Sox pitching staff has been decimated by injuries and ineffectiveness at a time where they really can’t afford it, so Tazawa’s call-up isn’t at all a ceremonial “let’s throw him a bone and give him a few garbage innings” gesture; it’s all hands on deck. In a few small sample of innings in Pawtucket (all in relief), Tazawa was very effective, striking out 19 hitters in 14.1 innings including a .160 batting average against left-handed hitters.

I’m guessing his usage will be in soft of a hybrid LOOGY/long relief role, where he could come in to face one hitter, or he could mop up for someone like Lackey if he shits the bed in the 3rd inning.

Other notes:

• Manny Ramirez continues to piss all over his legacy. Brick by brick, he’s dismantling the whole goofy teddy bear image, and replacing it with that of a unrepentant asshole.
• Old friend Mike Cameron was released by the Marlins, and may retire. He was actually playing fairly well for Florida, but it seems the move was more about arithmetic than it was performance.